The Letter, B

I would have to say that moving to LA has totally fucked up my thoughts on restaurants. It has nothing to do with poor tasting food, bad service, or crowds. It is because of the Department of Health, and the grades they give to every restaurant in town. I’m not sure if they only do this in LA County, or if it just started at the same time I moved out here, but restaurants here are given letter grades. They either give an A, or a B. There is only one place I have been to where I saw a C. The restaurants have to display this letter grade in plain view of the customer. If a restaurant gets a B, there is a check off list that shows the areas that need improvement. One of these areas might be kitchen cleanliness. Now that might be something as simple as cleaning the grease trap everyday. But in my mind it means that the kitchen floor is tattooed in rat shit and the paunchy Mexican working the grill just lost a finger nail in the enchilada sauce. I’m sure this is not what happens and a restaurant would probably be shut down for that reason, but that’s what I think when I see a B. I have been to sushi joints where I finish my meal and thought it was the best sushi ever. Then I walk out the door, notice it has a B, and want to pull a Justine Bateman in the nearest public restroom. For those of you who don’t know, Justine Bateman was famous for three things; being the hot sister on family ties, overshadowing Jason Bateman (pre 2004), and bulimia. Now I know people who knew me before 2005 are saying to themselves, “oh, he’s sooo LA.” First of all, that statement is ridiculous and is only said by people who don’t live in LA and wished they live here. Second, you try eating at a place that you know in one way or another failed a health inspection. You’ll never be able to get that vision of rat shit out of your head. And if you never had a problem with that before, I hope that reading this has scarred you for life.

The one place I have been to that had a C is a bar called Trip, in Santa Monica. I might have the name wrong because it has changed ownership about 4 times since I’ve lived in the LA area. This place had a C inside the bar, and the only food they served was cooked on a hot plate. I really don’t understand how that happens but you have to do something horrible in order to get a C. Maybe there were rat turds that were clogging the keg lines. Whatever it may be, I have only ordered bottled beer after I saw their grade.

So if you’re checking out a new wing place and you notice it has a B, I would think twice before eating there. Either that, or get really drunk before you go so everything tastes good.

***on a side note, I’m not sure what it is with rat shit, but for some reason I used that a lot in this post.