Hooters Is No Longer Relevant

What happened to Hooters? I’m not saying that they ever had good wings, but there was a time when Hooters was the place to go. If there was a big game on, you’d go to Hooters. Happy hour after work, let’s go to Hooters. Visiting a new city, gotta get to Hooters to buy a new shirt. Remember when it was cool to sport your Daytona Beach Hooters shirt? I used to look at that person and think, “wow, that guy is well travelled.” Not anymore. Hooters shirts are almost as unfashionable as Ed Hardy shirts.

When I was younger, my friend’s cousin worked at Hooters and drove an IROC with t-tops. I thought she was the baddest chick ever. If I met someone like that now, I would think they’re the trashiest chick ever. At one point you had to look good to work at Hooters. In college, I had a classmate who worked at Hooters. She was 4’10” and was busted, in both meanings of the word. Her double d’s were probably the only reason she got the job. She kind of looks like Snooki. Those looks were not acceptable at the Hooters of yesterday.

Maybe if Hooters focused on their wings they might still be relevant. Their wings are horrible. They taste bland and don’t have good heat. And why do they look so fucked up? Were these chickens killed while taking flight? Why is the wing in the shape of a ‘V’? The Hooters wing looks like something a nerd designed for Lamar’s limp wristed throwing style.

As much as I hate the wings at Hooters, I’m kind of sad that it doesn’t have the allure it once did. Hooters is an example of why the terrorists hate us. Anyone who figures out a way to exploit women and have it be socially acceptable is alright in my book. That is the only reason I like Hooters. And when I go there, I make sure not to order the wings because they are dog shit.