The Ugly Wing

What’s going on people? So I’m hoping that you’re enjoying the blog so far. I know sometimes I can be a little extreme and you may not agree with some of my thoughts, but if that’s the case, please, leave a comment so I know how to steer these things. One question that has been posed is why I don’t review places during every post. The main reason is because there are only so many wing joints in LA County, and so far I have gone to 20 of them. I do not want to run out of places I can review too quickly. Also, I think it will be easier to understand how I come up with my ratings if you know how I think. Well class, that being said, on to the next subject.

I like to think that I’m not the only person who feels this way. I hate it when a batch of wings comes out and one of them is ugly. And when I say ugly, I mean fucked up looking. Like the particular chicken was bred in Chernobyl. You know what I’m talking about, the wing that has nubs on it and looks like the elephant man. When the waitress puts the plate on the table, you can definitely see the look of disappointment on my face if one of them is a Chernobyl wing. If I had an ugly baby, this would be the same look I’d have once it pops out. So my question is…is an ugly wing the same as an ugly baby?

I feel like there are a few that need to be discussed in order to come to a conclusion.

First of all, what is the probability of getting a Chernobyl wing? Is it the same probability of having an ugly baby? I don’t think the probability can be the same because ugly wings probably depend on the butcher, where ugly babies depend on the parents.

Secondly, is the popularity factor the same for ugly wings and ugly babies? Ugly babies grow into ugly kids. And we all know that little ugly Johnny is not going to be picked first in kickball. No, he will be picked last. In similarity, when I eat wings, I steer clear of that ugly wing until the very end. In fact, I try and eat my half of the wings faster than my wing date so he ends up getting stuck with the retarded wing.

Next, a cook has the choice of throwing away an ugly wing. He never does this, which is why you end up getting stuck with the ugly wing, but he could if he wanted to. The doctor doesn’t have the option to throw the baby away once it pops out. But that raises a good question. Would a doctor throw an ugly baby away if there were no repercussions? Is that how dumpster babies come about? Are they just rejected ugly babies? Hmmmm? And this marks the point where I lose any support of this blog that I once had.

Moving on. I guess the only similarity an ugly wing has with an ugly baby is the popularity factor. So no, an ugly wing is not the same as an ugly baby. I guess what I’m trying to get at is I don’t want to see an ugly wing and I don’t want it on my plate. I pretty much want to forget that ugly wings exist. I feel the same way about ugly babies. One person told me that ugly babies usually grow into their looks, whatever that means. I think she probably just has an ugly baby and doesn’t want to admit it. But what I’m getting at is that I don’t want to know they exist. I realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but come on, you know when you have an ugly baby. So for all of you ugly baby parents out there, do me a favor and stop with the ugly baby picture posts that you are putting up on your Facebook wall. If you want to share the pics with people, upload them into an album so they don’t pop up on my news feed.

Thank you. Please direct all hate to the comments field.

Hooters Is No Longer Relevant

What happened to Hooters? I’m not saying that they ever had good wings, but there was a time when Hooters was the place to go. If there was a big game on, you’d go to Hooters. Happy hour after work, let’s go to Hooters. Visiting a new city, gotta get to Hooters to buy a new shirt. Remember when it was cool to sport your Daytona Beach Hooters shirt? I used to look at that person and think, “wow, that guy is well travelled.” Not anymore. Hooters shirts are almost as unfashionable as Ed Hardy shirts.

When I was younger, my friend’s cousin worked at Hooters and drove an IROC with t-tops. I thought she was the baddest chick ever. If I met someone like that now, I would think they’re the trashiest chick ever. At one point you had to look good to work at Hooters. In college, I had a classmate who worked at Hooters. She was 4’10” and was busted, in both meanings of the word. Her double d’s were probably the only reason she got the job. She kind of looks like Snooki. Those looks were not acceptable at the Hooters of yesterday.

Maybe if Hooters focused on their wings they might still be relevant. Their wings are horrible. They taste bland and don’t have good heat. And why do they look so fucked up? Were these chickens killed while taking flight? Why is the wing in the shape of a ‘V’? The Hooters wing looks like something a nerd designed for Lamar’s limp wristed throwing style.

As much as I hate the wings at Hooters, I’m kind of sad that it doesn’t have the allure it once did. Hooters is an example of why the terrorists hate us. Anyone who figures out a way to exploit women and have it be socially acceptable is alright in my book. That is the only reason I like Hooters. And when I go there, I make sure not to order the wings because they are dog shit.